Before his baby brother was born, the world revolved around him. He was always at my side whether it was shopping, cleaning, cooking or playing. He never really experienced solo play because I was always with him, facilitating his activities. We both loved that time together and took away many fond memories. Now that I am not as accessible, Caleb has learned that he has to play by himself. This discovery came with more than it’s share of guilt and regret as I realized I had to share my time with him and a demanding newborn. The first few weeks were confusing for both of us as we tried to settle into a new environment that worked well for the whole family. I learned to let go of the guilt associated with Caleb’s time with me and Caleb had to become more independent. I am still amazed how many skills he has acquired during the transition. He now knows how to put on his shoes, partially dress himself (he still tries to put his pants on two legs at a time), get water from the fridge, turn on the TV and navigate through the DVR to his shows, brush his teeth, and wash his hands.

Along with those life skills, his play is evolving from mimicry and parallel play to imaginative and social play. He has moved from repeating the actions of Mom and Dad to creating his own worlds and bringing his toys to life. To foster this, I am slowly trying to weed out the “educational” toys that only involve pushing buttons and alphabet songs to role playing and open-ended toys. I’ve learned that a hula hoop or a bucket of dinosaurs far outlasts the standard “button pushing” toy.

I feel there is a growing need to nurture young imaginations even more now than the last generation. Today, my children are being raised where the backyards are smaller, neighborhoods are (seemingly) less safe, and the wilderness is scarse. Gone are the days where children can leave their house at the crack of dawn, ride their bikes all day long wherever they want and come home by dinner time. Modern parents worry more, teach more, and take more precautions. I don’t want become a “helicopter” parent who hovers over her children all day wondering if their development is on track and if they’re eating enough vegetables. I want - no… I need - to step back, take a deep breath, and watch my son play by himself. All he really needs is to feel loved. And if he does, he will thrive regardless.

What is true about God, and what we may want to believe about God are not always the same. Sometimes they may be, sometimes they may not be. The important thing to remember is that what we want to believe about God does not change His character, His being, His nature, His will - God is God. He exists whether we believe in Him or not, and He remains who He is no matter how we believe about Him. Our minds are subjective, temporal, human in every way. God is infinite, eternal. Would we not be truly disillusioned and entirely arrogant to believe that a God we invent is the God that exists? God has chosen to reveal Himself to mankind through His Word. What shaky, frivolous ground we tread upon if we think our most ambitious or emotionally promising thoughts about God simply exist.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see…but it does not exist absent of the solid of ground of God’s word. We cannot hope in ambiguous invention because it feels great in the moment. In cultural convenience or temporary benefit. We do not hope in nothing, and we do not hope in ourselves. We hope in what we know, and we know it because God revealed it to us in His Word. It is one thing to reject God, people do it all the time. It is another to think that such rejection would make God disappear if he truly did exist, as though he is created day by day. If God exists, then he exists outside of your creative control. Examine God in the Bible, read about Jesus in the Word. Make your decision about God based on what He gave us in order to know Him and fellowship with Him - not the ever evolving, subjective thoughts that swiftly pass through your head and mine and change as quickly as the seconds tick by. What a waste that would be.

Life has become something of a new adventure since Caleb arrived. I’m not sure if it’s what I expected or not, but it’s certainly a Caleb-centric existance and has been for the better part of 8 months. We try to get everything peripheral done during naptimes, go to events as long as we’re home in time for his bedtime, and we rise at the crack of “Waaaaaaaaaaa” every morning. Caleb runs the show!

It is through marriage first, and then fatherhood that I have come to understand the temptations and tribulations that come within these bonds. The apostle Paul speaks of the fact that within marriage, one’s interests are divided. At once, you are committed to the Lord’s affairs, and yet in another moment committed about how one might please his wife. The core principles within these verses is not to restrict or bring a bitter taste to marriage. It is written so that we might live a life in undivided devotion to the Lord, whether we are alone or together.

It is not mere coincidence that the verses prior to the ones about marriage speak of the truth that this world in it’s present form is indeed passing away. I cannot fathom or properly comprehend this, though I know that it is true, and I know that my passionate love and bonds with Bri and Caleb will change when this world does pass away, and that God shall be glorified in the redemption of his own.

It is easy to consume my mind with the passing world, living each and every day in order to please Bri or Caleb and losing site of an undivided devotion to the Lord, as a family. Rather than looking inward as though our family was huddled, looking only into each others faces, we must turn and hold hands and walk together in devotion to the Lord.

This is not very easy in waterfalls of spitup or hills of blocks and toys. Yet I know the greatest love and devotion I can show to my wife and my son is by lifting them up in the things that are not temporary, but the things that last when our time here has gone.

Happy Easter!  What an awesome day this has been.  A time to reflect upon the sacrifice and resurrection of Jesus Christ, a time spent with family and friends in celebration.  We had a fun time with Caleb, as he got the opportunity to spend some quality time with the Grandparents and the Great-Grandparents, as well as his uncle and aunt.

Reflecting upon today, we might ask what was the purpose of the death of Christ?

I thought it might be edifying to go through John Piper’s “The Passion of Jesus Christ” (50 Reasons Why He Came To Die) - one post per reason, one at a time.  Perhaps this 50 days might be a time to grow in understanding of the greatest event in human history - the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.  Why did he suffer and die?

Appropriatly, post #1 is on Easter Sunday:

#1 - Christ Suffered and Died to Absorb the Wrath of God

Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a
curse for us—for it is written,

“Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree.” - Galatians 3:13

“God put [Christ] forward as a propitiation by his blood,
to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness,
because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins.” - Romans 3:25

“In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us
and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” - 1 John 4:10

If God were not just, there would be no demand for his Son to
suffer and die. And if God were not loving, there would be no willingness
for his Son to suffer and die. But God is both just and loving.
Therefore his love is willing to meet the demands of his justice.
God’s law demanded, “You shall love the LORD your God with
all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might”
(Deuteronomy 6:5). But we have all loved other things more.

This is what sin is—dishonoring God by preferring other things over
him, and acting on those preferences. Therefore, the Bible says,
“All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans
3:23). We glorify what we enjoy most. And it isn’t God.

Therefore sin is not small, because it is not against a small
Sovereign. The seriousness of an insult rises with the dignity of the
one insulted. The Creator of the universe is infinitely worthy of
respect and admiration and loyalty. Therefore, failure to love him
is not trivial—it is treason. It defames God and destroys human
happiness.

Since God is just, he does not sweep these crimes under the rug
of the universe. He feels a holy wrath against them. They deserve to
be punished, and he has made this clear: “For the wages of sin is
death” (Romans 6:23). “The soul who sins shall die” (Ezekiel 18:4).
There is a holy curse hanging over all sin. Not to punish would
be unjust. The demeaning of God would be endorsed. A lie would
reign at the core of reality. Therefore, God says, “Cursed be everyone
who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the
Law, and do them” (Galatians 3:10; Deuteronomy 27:26).

But the love of God does not rest with the curse that hangs over
all sinful humanity. He is not content to show wrath, no matter how
holy it is. Therefore God sends his own Son to absorb his wrath and
bear the curse for all who trust him. “Christ redeemed us from the
curse of the law by becoming a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13).
This is the meaning of the word “propitiation” in the text
quoted above (Romans 3:25). It refers to the removal of God’s
wrath by providing a substitute. The substitute is provided by God
himself. The substitute, Jesus Christ, does not just cancel the
wrath; he absorbs it and diverts it from us to himself. God’s wrath
is just, and it was spent, not withdrawn.

Let us not trifle with God or trivialize his love. We will never
stand in awe of being loved by God until we reckon with the seriousness
of our sin and the justice of his wrath against us. But
when, by grace, we waken to our unworthiness, then we may look
at the suffering and death of Christ and say, “In this is love, not
that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to
be the [wrath-absorbing] propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10).

The above is an excerpt from John Piper’s “The Passion of Jesus Christ” - Download the entire book free of charge here.

For those of you who have yet to put in your guess as to what day our little Baby will come, don’t forget to join the baby pool!  You get to guess the day, the time, the weight and length as well.  We’re going to send whoever wins a little something for fun, so get your guess in now!

I wanted to share a poem that talks about sin, specifically talking about falling over and over again in the same area of struggle.  How such a war and battle is like a tide coming in and out.  One minute you’re convinced you’ve made progress and get lost in pride and the next moment you’re back out at see grasping for air and crying out to God to save you.

Tide

I flow forever as the tide,
Ebbing ever then denied.
I find no gain on crystal sand,
No climbing forth to conquer land.

No hope of rising forth in storm,
For moments pass and heavens warm.
They greet me with their softest gaze,
And toss me back to dark malaise.

How I long to break this beating,
The heavy drum that stands repeating,
That beat by beat reminds within,
Of every touch of nature’s sin.

What a wretched man am I!
Reflection burns my wretched eyes.
I’m torn and tossed about like stories,
Seeds of truth give way to mourning.

Stand! Weak legs, your time has come!
I beg you rise and help me run!
And yet this turbid mud gives way,
It sends me back to dreary sway.

Abba! Hear my staggered breath!
This tide has brought your servant death.
Somehow my heart forgets the land,
Preferring still this bitter strand.

My trusted legs forever feeble,
My heart adrift and lost in evil,
I beg you God with all that’s left,
Bring forth your mercy in these depths.

Restore in me a glorious love,
That from this strand may rise above.
And set me down upon your shore,
To rest in thee, forevermore.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. - CS Lewis

I have been telling Bri that I was going to post a blog about friendship for a few weeks, but finally got around to doing it.  For some reason friendship has been at the forefront of my mind of late, really the past year or so.  As I’ve grown up and grown older, the dynamics of my friendships have changed.  Marriage, jobs, impending parenthood, etc can do that.  Ultimately the adjustment comes as priorities are altered with our “growing up” or evolution as individuals.  

Lewis once wrote “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You, too? Thought I was the only one,” and ultimately he is right.  Friendships are built most often around common passions, common interests, and common goals.  He likens the different between friends and lovers with their differing postures.  Lovers facing each other, eyes are on each others, while friends are side by side and focused on some common goal.  

It’s hard to preserve friendships as priorities change, despite how much all parties involve would love to, despite how much they wish things could stay the same forever or revert to some time when both parties prioritized things the same and the friendship was as strong as ever.  I’ve struggled with these difficulties as my own life has changed over the years.  It’s hard to adjust, to make everyone happy.  

Yet there needs to remain the Christian perspective that we must remember even though the “everyday” situations and perspectives change with marriages, moving, jobs, etc.  As believers in Christ, God has always had a purpose for our fellowship and our brotherhood that is beyond a mere friendship or common bond.  Christians are united through Jesus Christ.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer gives some perspective on our Christian brotherhood and fellowship that I found insightful, here is an excerpt from Life Together:  

“…God has put (the) Word into the mouth of others in order that it may be communicated to us.  When one person is struck by the Word, he speaks it to others.  God has willed that we should seek and find his living Word in the witness of a brother, in the mouth of a man.  Therefore, the Christian needs another Christian who speaks God’s Word to him.  He needs him again and again when he becomes uncertain and discouraged….He needs his brother as a bearer and proclaimer of the divine word of salvation.  He needs his brother solely because of Jesus Christ.  The Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain, his brother’s is sure.

And that also clarifieds the goal of all Christian community: they meet one another as bringers of the message of salvation.  As such, God permits them to meet together and gives them community.  Their fellowship is founded solely upon Jesus Christ…the community of Christians springs solely from the Biblical and Reformation message of the justification of man through grace alone; this alone is the basis of the longing of Christians for one another.”

It is through God’s mercy that we’ve learned to be merciful to each other, God’s forgiveness that we learn to forgive, God’s kindness that teaches us how to be kind, his faithfulness that guides us in our efforts to be faithful to our friends and brothers.  

Friendships change and evolve, people get new priorities or move away, but the bond of fellowship found within Jesus Christ is not reliant upon the needs of a common friendship.  

Some verses on friendship/fellowship:  1 Thess 4:9, Romans 15:7, Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, John 15:12-15, Prov 17:17, Rom 12:15, Philippians 2:3

Though I often feel the victim, I saw today the joy that can only be experienced in the deliverance of God.  Once might hope that God could grant some supernatural joy at all times.  But even that would have a different and distinct quality than the joy of deliverance that I found in my heart and soul today.  I found the beauty and majesty of God within this pain.  And I sure didn’t see it coming.

To joy in suffering seems at first a paradoxical bit of nonsense.  How does one rejoice in the darkness of pain and suffering?  I would be a fool to claim even a small crumb of consistency in practicing this truth, but as I have suffered in emotional physical ways in the past year, my eyes are opening more and more to His holy intentions for the seemingly endless and painful trials we face.

Many of you know the recent health hardships I personally have been dealing with.  Physical pain that has passed it’s torch to emotional pain.  It’s been difficult.  And yet somehow today I see the majestic beauty within it.  The distinct, unique, overwhelming beauty of God that can only be seen and only exists within the framework of pain.  It is not nonsense and it is not meaningless.  And it is certainly not cliché.  I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason.  That’s too arbitrary, too comfort driven.  I believe our pains and our sufferings, our trials and joys, exist to glorify God to the fullest.  God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him, in the midst of loss.  In the midst of suffering.  He can be uniquely praised, uniquely worshiped, sincerely worshipped, in the deepest of valleys and darkest of nights.

I am starting to see the grace within suffering.  The blessing that it can be.  The reminder that God has not let me alone, he has not given me over to death.   Yet he lets us suffer, let’s us fall into trials to the praise of His glory and for the building of qualities that are incapable to develop outside of pain and trial.  And what a beautiful, lovely, wonderful joy I have found in this place where once only tears fell.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”
James 1:2-3

I often wonder what it would have been like to live during a different era.  Perhaps the early 1900’s when people had less as far as “wealth” - but also developed a different perspective.  Instead of this murky world of comparison and relative (and not ultimate) success, it seems like things were more simple even if they weren’t so “advanced” as we think we are today.

Or maybe my problem is not eras but countries.  You need not travel backwards in time to achieve this different perspective, just head overseas.  My time in Israel was enough to see the gap in perspective and priority.  We were tourists in a strange land filled with historical sites.  They were people in their home land living their lives.  We were probably nothing more than flies.  Like rich politicians who spend 3 hours in a warzone or refugee camp.  We visit, we have compassion, and then we fly home to our warm beds and safety.

I think it’s probably a cop-out to want an “all around me” change like a time flash back or country move, so that I’m forced to change my perspectives and priorities.  I know I’m capable of doing that with dicipline, submission and ultimately humility, but often large changes seem easier.  It’s why people make resolutions on New Year’s and not March 11th or June 5th.  It’s a simple or seemingly simpler starting point.  I suppose the quest should be to run after that bigger perspective at all times and be contented with slowly moving and not feel guilty for my place in this world.  As an American, it seems to be getting more difficult to do.

I am suddenly awake, a thousand impulses reach me in a fanciful flurry.  I realize all at once that I am at at a loss.  I am physically broken and spiritually shaken.  I lie in wonder.

I am like a man who has suffered a head trauma.  Suddenly I begin remembering not only what has occured in the past few days or weeks, but also who I am, have become, will become, should become, am becoming or maybe was becoming?  The questions swirly like a shifting wind and all the while I still marvel at how they are in my head.  I am suddenly awake, yet at a loss.

Where have I been the past few weeks?  My King has sent his most trusted search party to scour the highlands and find me, wounded and defeated, somewhere in the distant plains.  It appears I have attempted a journey that my own two feet have failed to sustain me on.   What a pity, I think.  It seemed as though I could have made it at the time, but at the time I had made such a decision I must have been in a silly mood.  The distance looks far to broad and wide now that I am suddenly awake.  These feet are far to battered and these legs can barely stand even in the cool of the day.

What a silly man I have become, am becoming…was becoming?

I pray the latter of the three holds true.

When I see myself, I see nothing else.When I see myself, I lose control.

This lacking drives but does not satisfy.

I seek what I cannot have and pursue what I should not desire.

I do not however, desire to pursue it.

I do however, see but myself.

Teach me King the shove forward.

Galvanize my spirit with a peace unmatched and a clarity and wisdom from above.

There is no movement without you.

There is no hope within these eyes.

When I see myself, I lose you.

When I see myself, I am lost.

May I shove forward that which is lasting.

May I shove forward that which is grand.

So grand that I cannot see myself.

I wonder why more people don’t ponder the ultimate statistic - that 10 out of 10 people die.  That’s a staggering reality that most people somehow get distracted away from until they actually do bite the dust.  What a foolish thing to be distracted from or simply ignore.

I’m not saying you should have some pessimistic death-centered life — just take a moment and think about the fact you won’t be here forever.  Think about more than free Root Beer floats at Sonic or who the local sports team is playing, etc.  If people just for a MOMENT pondered more than the MOMENT they’re currently in then we might just find something significant beneath the surface.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I represent Christ in my daily life. When I go to work, when I come home, when I meet with friends, etc. I want to find the right way to spread the light of the gospel and somehow not condemn or judge and further some false idea of Christianity in someone else’s mind. A relationship with God is so infinitely amazing and of everlasting importance - you’d think that simply speaking with sincerity would be successful, but it’s not always the case.

The truth is, I’m starting to believe that it’s that word: “Success” that’s screwing me up. As a Christian, my definition for that word when it comes to spreading the truth of God should not be a “positive happy reaction” from another person. The Bible gives no reason to define it such a way and yet we often do. It’s obvious why as well, it’s because we want to be liked! Yet I know full well that the truth is not always what people want to hear. To acknowledge that they’ve stolen, lied, blasphemed, etc and be convicted in the heart isn’t fun. We are all sinners, and it should bother us when we discover such a fact (or rather admit what’s so true). I really want to be able to be open and honest, and show a passionate love and not a rules-driven sect. Christianity isn’t about religion but a relationship with the living God, the God that one can not help but know exists in the very fiber of their being.

I quest to speak loudly words that bring change.  Convey that which moves even the hardest of souls.  Long to swiftly free a man from burden and delight in his new birth.  I set out to satisfy the thirsting heart with wisdom from places deep and quenching.  To say aloud that which so inherantly needs to be said.  The chasm before me is one of intimidation and judgement.  The gap between saying and doing is monumental to the unworthy and a small jump for the truly loving.  I most often find it monumental.  It is never such a small jump.

My longings are nothing but self satisfying passions.  Only my conscience finds rest within them.  A longing unfilled is a place to wallow ever longing.  I please myself by the fact that I have them and produce a harvest fit for one.  My fruit is sour for it has been on the vine too long.

Never picked and never eaten, always bitter never sweetened, lost in stealing from the vine the truth that others would surely find.

If I opened my mouth.  Others might eat.  How can they believe if they never hear.  How can they hear if I never speak.

For every high in our lives, every time we reach the pinnacle of some worldly venture - there is in fact a hidden chasm awaiting. Not reserved to defeat us, but rather to test us - to test whether our success has been crafted by our own hands or comes from reliance on the Living God. Whether our strength is found in our arms and legs or our Creator. This chasm is wide and long but not too wide and not too long. It is not impassable despite it’s impassable looks. It is harrowing in order to blast the your human reliance far away.

No sensible man or woman would claim to be able to cross it alone but you’d be surprised how many would say they did it alone once they reached the other side.  We have a tendency to puff out our shirts until of course another chasm finds us and we’re back upon our knees.  Thank the Lord Almighty that he is not us and contains some incomprehensible perfection of virtue that allows him not to simply toss us in the next chasm we find and leave us there to rot.  It would be far more sensible and deserved than the seemingly endless mercy that flows from Him like water from a stream.

For every mountaintop, a chasm.  For every chasm, an opportunity.  For every opportunity, a choice.  God or self.