Briana and I are reading through Jeremiah, so I thought I might throw a few reflections on here.  Jeremiah was a prophet about 30 years after Isaiah was, and his role was to speak God’s words to Judah on the brink of their Babylonian captivity.  We’ve quoted Jeremiah 1:5 on here before.  It speaks of God’s plan for Jeremiah, that he knew him before he was born.  But if you read on, you’ll see Jeremiah’s response in Jeremiah 1:6.  Jeremiah is almost unsure of God’s calling for him.  He seems to be taken back, or frightened, or most likely simply feels unequipped.  He knows God has called him to speak to the nations, but his first response is hesitancy.

God responds then in Jeremiah 1:7-8.  He could have simply repeated his command to Jeremiah.  He also could have condemned Jeremiah for a lack of faith, or for his hesitancy.   Instead, He reassures him, letting him know he doesn’t have to be afraid.  He promises Jeremiah that he is with him.  That he will rescue him.  It is wonderful to know that the infinitely all-powerful God is not absent of mercy or compassion, but rather infinitely merciful and compassionate.  He knows what we feel, he knows that we are weak and afraid sometimes.  He truly is our Father and not simply some dictator.  He doesn’t send us out alone, but gives us the assurance that he is always with us, no matter how scary the situation.

Please excuse the day late update. Our A/C decided to poop out on us yesterday so we ended up camping out at Andy’s parents’ house. Hopefully we’ll have the problem fixed sometime today. It’s never fun to have no A/C when the average temperature is 110 degrees.

Big milestone this week: Caleb’s lungs have matured enough for him to have a chance at survival in the outside world. Although these thoughts are never ones we want to think about, it is comforting to know that this day and every day after, the rate of survival for babies at this stage increases dramatically. That said, he’s still much better off in the oven until full term. I’m happy to keep him cooking for as long as he wants.

He’s practicing to breathe now and building up his lungs for all that screaming he will bless us with one day. His hearing is also getting better. Research suggests that noises he hears often in the womb (like Toby’s barks or my professor’s droning lectures) won’t phase him later on. We’ve been watching endless episodes of House in order to catch up before season 5 starts. With as much as we’re watching it, I sometimes feel guilty that Caleb is starting to think Hugh Laurie is his daddy.

He kind of looks like a wrinkled old man right now. His skin will be too big for him until he gets all his fat to fill it out in a few weeks. He’s over 11 inches and weighs more than a pound. Andy and I both agree that the produce item of the week is a bit of a stretch. Has anyone actually seen an 11 inch long mango?

I am finally experiencing those wonderful braxton hicks contractions. They’re not painful by any means, but just… bothersome and catch me completely off guard all the time. On the upside, some people say the more braxton hicks you have, the easier and quicker labor will be for you. If that’s the case, and if I my body’s really going to be practicing for 17 more weeks, I better deliver this kid in record time.

Now that I know my brother and sis-in-law got the quilt I made them (see this post), it’s now safe to show everyone the finished product….

Here’s the quilt all laid out:

And here it is after I wrapped it up to send away:

For some reason, the even numbered weeks seem more of a milestone than the odd. I guess because for me, everything has happened on an even numbered week (i.e. when we found out, both ultrasounds, Dr.s’ visits, yadda yadda).

Caleb’s taste buds are developing this week and the nerves in his brain are allowing him to process his sense of touch, meaning he can make sense of what he feels. His eyes are completely developed but still fused shut for a few more weeks. He’s about 11 inches long and weighs about a pound. Weird comparative vegetable of the week: the spaghetti squash.

We had another monthly doctor’s appointment today. I mentioned my concerns with having a history of undiagnosed heart issues. As a response, they took blood to test for some thyroid problems. I’ll find out the results by the end of the week. The baby’s growth and heart rate are fine: 146 bpm.

I have my school orientation tomorrow so no more extensive free time for me. I am excited to see everyone from the last two semesters again after 4 months. I remember when we first found out we were pregnant it was the last week of school. I managed to tell a couple of friends so I actually have no idea how many will be surprised to see me waddling in wearing maternity clothes. I’m a little more nervous about school strictly because I will be taking classes at an elementary school in a more “urban” area. It’s not the safe little bubble of campus I’m used to. I will also have to drive pretty far to get there.

All in all, there’s a lot of change coming up in the next week. I tend to want to control a lot of it and want to know what’s exactly in store for the future. Since I can’t know for sure what this semester or pregnancy holds for me, I have to relinquish this anxiety and know that whatever happens, I am cared for by a very powerful and loving God.

A few months back Bri started talking to me rather giddily about a 3D/4D ultrasound.  At the time I didn’t know much about it, considering we hadn’t even had a good regular ultrasound yet, but finally I got to see what they are and it’s awesome!  We scheduled one for October 4th, and we’ll be able to get a DVD, high-res pictures, and see some amazing stuff (hopefully) and 100% confirm that Caleb is indeed a Caleb…

We’ll be sure to post them all on the site for all to see our little guy.  The picture above is an example of the type of thing we’ll hopefully be able to see!  Incredible stuff.  You can see more sample pictures of the place we’re going to by visiting their site at www.peekofyou.com

I find myself intimidated and sometimes anxious about my impending parenthood.  How do I hold the baby right, take care of the baby right, do the right things so it doesn’t get sick or take care of it or keep it well.  Is it sleeping too much?  Too little?  Is he supposed to look that way?  These are all the questions, and many more, that I figure I’ll be asking and anxious about when we finally get to take Caleb home with us.  Scary!!!  And then there’s the countless advice (welcomed advice!) from so many sources all around us!  I suppose you might call it a whirlwind of learning, growing, changing, maturing, all the while being terrified and excited all at once.  I’ve blogged before about how much of a comfort a reliance on God is in times like these, because He is ultimately the one in control.  But how does God see parenthood?  What does God view as important in regards to parental duty?  After looking at scripture, I can summarize some of what God has in mind for parents:

God’s word tells me that we are to love our children, to bring them up in Christ, train them up for God, instruct them in God’s word, tell them of God’s judgments and miraculous works, to command them to obey God, to bless them, to provide for them, to correct them yet not provoke them.  To always be in prayer for their spiritual welfare, their temptations and their times of sickness.  Also to always remember that we receive our children from God.

Seems like a heavy load!  And yet I know that when I am weak, He is strong!  And that his commands are not burdensome.  That we can rely upon Him when we struggle and know that His ultimate plan for Caleb will be carried out.

I am still a scared, foolish, anxious soon-to-be Daddy, but I know my heavenly father will build me through this, build Bri and I through this, and teach us so much in spite of our often goofy and anxious selves.  I can’t wait!

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Scripture on Parents/Children :: Tit 2:4, Mt. 19:13,14, Pr 22:6, Eph 6:4, De 4:9; 11:19, Isa 38.19. Ex 10:2, Ps 78:4, De 32:46; 1 Ch 28:9, Job 42:15, 2 Co 12:14; 1 Ti 5:8, Pr 13:24, 19:18; 23:13, 29:18, Heb 12:7, Eph 6:4, Col 3:21

Last night, we registered at the Mecca of baby stuff, Babies R Us. Feel free to peruse your way through various baby necessities in our registry. I’m pretty sure we don’t have everything we’ll need up there so any suggestions from veteran parents would be appreciated.

Caleb’s eyelids and eyebrows are fully formed now. He’s carrot-length at 10 1/2 inches. One of my books mentioned that he’s starting to digest sugars he takes in when he swallows amniotic fluid. I don’t really know why the authors found that important enough to put in the week 21 section, but I guess that’s a milestone of some sort.

These kicks of his are getting strong enough to keep me up at night. They’re not always the magical feeling everyone envisions either. Sometimes if I’m lying down or sitting he’ll do this little rhythmic jump motion that I can feel from top to bottom. I don’t know if it’s hiccups or what but it really hurts. It kind of reminds me of a sea bass thrashing around in there. I know, not a beautiful pregnant moment by any means. I’m not really looking forward to him doing that same motion at full term.

I’ve just about finished everything I need to make for Caleb’s room. So far, the list of things I have made has been a crib bumper, crib skirt, curtains, two baby blankets and a pillow. And get this, I’m still not finished. I plan on wrapping a lamp shade in fabric and possibly making a changing pad cover depending on how depleted my fabric supplies are. I’m not one to plan ahead and get everything I need in one fell swoop so I have been taking daily trips to the local fabric store down the street. Let’s just say the nice ladies down there know me very well.

Since I’ve paced myself well, I just have to wait impatiently for Andy and I to get our lazy butts in that room and clean it out. Furniture would also be nice. These are things that will probably get done around September/October. I honestly don’t think I can wait that long to see what everything looks like.  I’m half ecstatic to see the finished product and half terrified I messed up on the measurements. I literally keep myself up at night bouncing between visualizing a beautiful baby boy’s nursery and sitting on the floor surrounded by crooked skirts, bumpers and curtains tearing my hair out.

In the mean time, My sis-in-law (who is an amazing artist) and I have bartered our talents out to each other. She’s painting some letters to go over Caleb’s crib and I’m making a quilt for her daughter. I picked out the fabric today and am really excited with how everything looks. Here’s a sneak peek:

That’s all you’re gonna get until it’s done and sent. I don’t want any particular sister-in-law to have the surprise ruined for her.

Halfway there! All is going well. According to the books and such, Caleb’s skin is thickening and getting more layers. He’s also swallowing fluid to help develop his digestive system. He’s 10 inches long (like a banana) from head to toe and weights about 9 ounces.

Speaking of bananas, I found this crazy good banana smoothie recipe that Andy and I just love. We eat them almost every night.

Here’s a picture of my 20 week belly. It’s definitely getting in the way more than ever. I’ve bumped it so many times on tables, door handles and various other uncomfortable hard things.

I think the weirdest transformation taking place is that I can now see more of my belly button than I’m comfortable with. Instead of being the cute little “inny” I like, it’s now almost as flat as the rest of my belly. “Outies” always grossed me out a little and now it’s looking like I’ll have one of my own before too long…. Ew.

“Project Nursery” is coming along. I finished the dust ruffle for the crib. However, I won’t know how well of a job I did until we can get a crib to try it out on. Next up is baby blanket #2 and then some curtains. I decided if I’m going all out, I might as well go ALL out. I found this really cute bird pattern online so I’m thinking I’ll make a mobile out of them. I just have to figure out how to make the mobile part.

“I know, O LORD, that a man’s life is not his own;
it is not for man to direct his steps.”
- Jeremiah 10:23

Some call it a “leap”, but there is a foundation established in the word of God that grants assurance instead of doubt or fear when it comes to faith. God’s word testifies to his everlasting and never-failing faithfulness.  He has and will always deliver on his promises.  They’re not ambiguous or abstract. They’re real and alive and openly displayed within his Word.  What a great joy this foundation is, - especially on the brink of fatherhood.

So many things rattle through your brain at a time of change, but the largest and most ever-present realities are those of my entire lack of control - of Bri’s health, Caleb’s health, and Caleb’s ultimate salvation.  I want to be able to cradle and protect and nurture each of those desperate cares.  And yet, it is such a time that forces such a wild and complete reliance upon the God of all.  The verse at the top of this post has been one of the defining verses of my life.  It was the hand-holding comfort on my trip to Israel.  It was my assurance on the path of courting and moving and marrying Briana.  It has been my desperate hope in the times of deafening pain.

A man’s life - a little new baby’s life - is not his own.  It is fully and completely within the hands of the praise-worthy, faithful, wise, passionately loving God.  What an amazing hope.

Can you believe this disaster area will eventually be our child’s room?

Yeah…. Me niether. As of right now, we have an old mac, iron/ironing table, extra desk, golf clubs, 8 foot foldaway table, sewing machine and a plethora of accessories, two lamps, about 10 yards of fabric, office chair that belongs in the office, guitar, camera accessories, and a fake tree.

This would make a great “I spy” game. Can anyone find the blanket basket?

Don’t ask me where we’re going to put all this stuff. Surely not in the closet, it’s even worse. Hopefully in a few months I’ll be able to post beautiful sweet nursery pictures that could be straight from a Better Homes and Gardens magazine. Until then, I’ll have to deal with the “black hole”.

Oh yeah, I’ve also changed my mind on the color scheme (big surprise there).  The crib bumper is already finished and I’m beginning the skirt and curtain. I’ll post some of the projects I’ve completed once I finish a few.