As the day of our ultrasound approaches, I’ve begun putting a lot of thought into whether I want a boy or a girl.

Honestly, I’m still inconclusive.

I will be so happy whatever the gender and I think that’s how I want to stay. I’ve seen a few people who hope desperately for their baby to be one sex, getting their hopes up and daydreaming about partaking in gender-specific activities. When they discover it’s the other, they are disappointed. I’m glad I don’t have a preference. But during these few weeks of anticipation concerning the ultrasound, I’ve discovered both advantages and disadvantages to each gender.

I’ve always loved boys. I find them generally easy going and more willing to try new things. For some reason, I am less intimidated by them. Perhaps because they are simple creatures who are easy to please They are, however, quite stubborn, more violent and seem to get into more trouble when they’re older. I guess as long as boys grow up in with strong conviction and steady discipline, they could turn out alright. On the downside, shopping for little boy clothes is just not as fun.

On the other hand, every time I see how girls are portrayed in the media, I freak out and pray that I am having a boy. It seems that girls have so much more opposition surrounding them both internally (self image, inferiority) and externally (peer pressure, boys without strong conviction and steady discipline). I would feel that I would have to protect a girl much more and worry about her wellbeing. Girls tend to be manipulative and difficult to understand, which I think I could handle at a young age, but once she becomes a teenager, that complexity will turn into a whole new ballgame. However, they are so delicate and sweet when little and the thought of Andy having a “daddy’s girl” just makes me smile.

Whatever this child is, God planned it before its existence:

“your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.”

- Psalm 139:14

I can only be assured that this child is not truly ours; it is God’s. He is it’s ultimate protector and parent. And I get the incredible and humbling privilege of nurturing it and raising it to the best of my abilities. Hopefully Andy and I will get to see it one day become a true child of God with true conviction. Until then, We will have to deal with the hurdles that come with having a boy or a girl, and celebrate the joys as well.