I have been thinking a lot lately about how I represent Christ in my daily life. When I go to work, when I come home, when I meet with friends, etc. I want to find the right way to spread the light of the gospel and somehow not condemn or judge and further some false idea of Christianity in someone else’s mind. A relationship with God is so infinitely amazing and of everlasting importance - you’d think that simply speaking with sincerity would be successful, but it’s not always the case.

The truth is, I’m starting to believe that it’s that word: “Success” that’s screwing me up. As a Christian, my definition for that word when it comes to spreading the truth of God should not be a “positive happy reaction” from another person. The Bible gives no reason to define it such a way and yet we often do. It’s obvious why as well, it’s because we want to be liked! Yet I know full well that the truth is not always what people want to hear. To acknowledge that they’ve stolen, lied, blasphemed, etc and be convicted in the heart isn’t fun. We are all sinners, and it should bother us when we discover such a fact (or rather admit what’s so true). I really want to be able to be open and honest, and show a passionate love and not a rules-driven sect. Christianity isn’t about religion but a relationship with the living God, the God that one can not help but know exists in the very fiber of their being.

I quest to speak loudly words that bring change.  Convey that which moves even the hardest of souls.  Long to swiftly free a man from burden and delight in his new birth.  I set out to satisfy the thirsting heart with wisdom from places deep and quenching.  To say aloud that which so inherantly needs to be said.  The chasm before me is one of intimidation and judgement.  The gap between saying and doing is monumental to the unworthy and a small jump for the truly loving.  I most often find it monumental.  It is never such a small jump.

My longings are nothing but self satisfying passions.  Only my conscience finds rest within them.  A longing unfilled is a place to wallow ever longing.  I please myself by the fact that I have them and produce a harvest fit for one.  My fruit is sour for it has been on the vine too long.

Never picked and never eaten, always bitter never sweetened, lost in stealing from the vine the truth that others would surely find.

If I opened my mouth.  Others might eat.  How can they believe if they never hear.  How can they hear if I never speak.