Two days ago I had one of those moments.  When clarity finds you.  I realized I was saved from Hell by the grace of God, and no matter what I tried to do to prove myself worthy I was absolutely and completely not.  No matter how much I could try to pay back God I would come incredibly short.  What I did is so entirely irrelevant to my savior.   What I do cannot earn me heaven.  I mean, you’re probably saying “yeah idiot that’s what the Bible says” and that’s true and fine.  But this clarity is new.  It’s somewhere deeper than the intellect.  It’s the instant tears place.  The hit the knees place.

I think I’ve tried so much to earn my way to God.  Not in some set out plan kind of way.  I never sat down and said to myself that’s what I’d do, but I think I did it.  A hundred times over I’d said, thought, preached, teached, sang and danced the grace saves me truth.  I never tried to act like works saved me.  But I think at some point the motivation for doing things became that.  Because the alternative was too hard to comprehend.

I think the reason this happens is because it is so deeply unfathomable that heaven could be had another way.  That the favor of a mighty God and King could be found through the mighty King Himself, and only through Him.  My mind could accept it, but my heart failed to buy it.  No dice.  How in the world is that possible.  How can he love me so much when I am so very broken.  How can he find me worthy by his worth and not require me to somehow find it myself.  I am a free man and somehow not a man working off a sentence.  The clarity is new.  Wow.