In college I took a biology class with a brilliant professor. I had entered the course because it was required to complete my degree. Most of the students in the class had joined for the same reason. Because of that, it’s fair to say my expectations were low. Instead of finding a dreary prerequisite, I found a professor enlivened by his subject. He was excited to come and teach us every day. No biology subject seemed personally intriguing to me, and yet he could teach us about the kingdoms, latin roots and scientific words, and the dynamics of DNA with a wonderful joy that seemed to transcend all of our lack of interest.

I suppose I found him encouraging. He would be so excited to show us this world of biology that I couldn’t help but become interested. During our lab times, we would take our the school’s set of microscopes. There were only eight of them so we had to share. After the laughable yet completely required microscope competency tests, we would then begin to dive into various microscopic…endeavors. With learned precision we could soon identify various bacterias and examine the cell structures of a number of dead things. It would take a while to bring the image into focus, admittedly we often needed the professors help, but when the image was finally clear I would silently marvel at the complexities of God’s creation. Only under such precise magnification could what I was seeing be seen. Studied. Examined.

I realized that biologists, chemists, and many scientists in many fields worked tirelessly to unravel what I had just barely peered into. Lifetimes were and would be spent looking deeper, more closesly, more precisely - at the complexities of creation. Our country spends billions of dollars to allow people to look closer, harder. To find the details inside the details, and unravel the mysteries yet to be found.

I don’t know when it was, but pondering such a truth made me question something. If it takes billions of dollars, thousands of brilliant minds from the most highly regarded institutions, all with the most advanced technology (invented by more of those brilliant minds from other highly regarded institutions) to even begin to unravel the complexities of creation - - then how in the world do we put the Creator beneath the same microscope and expect absolute understanding. Creation itself has yet to be even remotely unraveled. Yet all around you there are books and tapes and television shows claiming the very thing I find utterly impossible. A perfectly understandable clear view of God. There aren’t step by step programs or self-help instruction manuals that will achieve this goal. It by nature (human in fact) is entirely unachievable.

God simply cannot fit beneath humanity’s microscope. We may try to put him there in hopes of disecting truth and great understanding, just like we attempt to do with his very creation, but we are ever incapable. The irony lies in the fact scripture affirms this truth. Job cries out “How great is God—beyond our understanding!” I believe it is to our joy and his glory that he is entirely outside our comprehension.

The truth is we stand utterly broken, yet desperately seeking the divine. We shift and slide the lens before our eyes as if to find clarity. Each one of us gripping the knobs and twisting them to our own purposes and needs. You twist one denominational knob and I twist another. Perhaps you twist one political knob and I twist another. Perhaps a knob based on how you grew up or another based on your circumstances. How do we find a clear picture when our vision is marred by our very humanity. I stand to reason we cannot, and the only reason so many in the faith fail to admit it is because it feels like concession.

Truth is never concession. Our view may be broken but is it so painful to be left in awe and wonder? How great is our God that he is beyong our understanding. How broken our view as we hopelessly attempt such a venture. I hope to joy in the wonder and awe. To look fresh upon my Creator and Savior and Love and Friend each day. He is my hope and my salvation. I am a broken vessel unworthy and yet entirely overcome with tears in realizing that God sent his Son to die on the cross, his Word to bring light to my soul and a lamp to my path, and His Spirit to bring conviction, repentence, and understanding.

Only within the lens of God’s word and the light of His spirit do we get but a glimpse of the divine in our humanity. It is not found in a denomination, movement, or formula. It is certainly not found beneath a microscope focused loosely upon our differences and backgrounds. It is found in Christ alone.

Two days ago I had one of those moments.  When clarity finds you.  I realized I was saved from Hell by the grace of God, and no matter what I tried to do to prove myself worthy I was absolutely and completely not.  No matter how much I could try to pay back God I would come incredibly short.  What I did is so entirely irrelevant to my savior.   What I do cannot earn me heaven.  I mean, you’re probably saying “yeah idiot that’s what the Bible says” and that’s true and fine.  But this clarity is new.  It’s somewhere deeper than the intellect.  It’s the instant tears place.  The hit the knees place.

I think I’ve tried so much to earn my way to God.  Not in some set out plan kind of way.  I never sat down and said to myself that’s what I’d do, but I think I did it.  A hundred times over I’d said, thought, preached, teached, sang and danced the grace saves me truth.  I never tried to act like works saved me.  But I think at some point the motivation for doing things became that.  Because the alternative was too hard to comprehend.

I think the reason this happens is because it is so deeply unfathomable that heaven could be had another way.  That the favor of a mighty God and King could be found through the mighty King Himself, and only through Him.  My mind could accept it, but my heart failed to buy it.  No dice.  How in the world is that possible.  How can he love me so much when I am so very broken.  How can he find me worthy by his worth and not require me to somehow find it myself.  I am a free man and somehow not a man working off a sentence.  The clarity is new.  Wow.

I just finished reading Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz, the insightful, notably controversial book about Christian Spirituality. Let me first say I don’t see any reason for believers to disgregard this work. I heard tons of bad things around the conservative/fundamentalist circles about this book that I was near telling people not to read it without even looking at the book myself. I had a false (completely) misconception that this book was written by a faithless rebel who wanted to justify sin and a disobedient life and still sound smart. This book in no way reflects any of those preconceptions and I’m ashamed to have had them in the first place.

I don’t consider myself anywhere within the “postmodern” or “emergent” movement, but I am one who believes there are some strong benefits coming out of it. There are dangers as well, but I think provoking thought, growth, and discussion as many of the works of postmodern writers do, is a plus. With that said, here are my thoughts on the book as well as some of the quotes I found profound.

My first striking impression was that Donald Miller is a blatent and passionate follower of Christ. There’s no towing the line or controversial theological content to suggest otherwise. I had heard terms like “flaky” etc when this book was talked about, but I saw none of that. I saw honesty. The book is not much more than his honest and open thoughts on Christian Spirituality outside the realm of mainstream Christian religion. At times he sounds as much a visionary as the great CS Lewis in his writing, and other times amateurishly ranting on about topic after topic. This didn’t bother me during the read however because I didn’t feel like this book was writing to attempt to further some cause or crusade or agenda. It was simply some honest thoughts that I found reflected back inside of myself.

I highly recommend this book because it provokes some honest thoughts on why we do what we do. Those coming from conservative fundamental backgrounds can become caught in cliche and religion, and abandon the scriptural realities Miller reminds us of, primarily Love. Not conditional love, but the unbelievable unconditional love set forth by Jesus.

I would say the only danger in this work is somehow romanticizing some of flaws found within Miller or the many influences and people mentioned in the book. Many of his friends, who help Miller along his path of understanding God, curse, drink, some are even hippies, and all are greatly faulted like the rest of us. I’d hate to have the glaring benefits of this work overshadowed by these completely honest portrayals, but at the same time I know I don’t need to curse or read poetry or drink to be introspective and ponder the deep things of God. I don’t need be labeled or fit within a movement to love like Jesus and to love not just my brothers and sisters in Christ but everyone, impartially.

The overarching quality in this book is it’s honesty and it has the power to make you look at your own life, relationships, and religious routines and look a little deeper at life. I think Blue Like Jazz is a great work and look forward to reading some of Miller’s other works. It’s a great book for an open and honest discussion group.

I will emphasize this book is not a work of Theology, nor do I think everything he says is amazing or great, but just that I think we struggle so much with honesty that it’s a refreshing dive inside it.

Some quotes from Blue Like Jazz:

For me, the beginning of sharing my faith with people began by throwing out Christianity and embracing Christian spirituality, a nonpolitical mysterious system that can be experienced but not explained. Christianity, unlike Christian spirituality, was not a term that excited me. I couldn’t share something I wasn’t experiencing. And I wasn’t experiencing Christianity. - Blue Like Jazz, 115

My most recent faith struggle is not one of intellect. I don’t really do that anymore. Sooner or later you just figure out there are some guys who don’t believe in God and they can prove He doesn’t exist, and there are some other guys who do believe in God and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it’s about who is smarter, and honestly I don’t care. - Blue Like Jazz, 103

I was a fundamental Christian once. It lasted a summer. I was in that same phase of trying to discipline myself to “behave” as if I loved light and not “behave” as if I loved darkness. I used to get really ticked about preachers who talked too much about grace, because they tempted me to not be disciplined. I figured what people needed was a kick in the butt, and if I failed at godliness it was because those around me weren’t trying hard enough. - Blue Like Jazz, 79

I struggle to think of the fact that my faith in the unseen seems less real than that of the visible.  I can completely acknowledge the truths of the scripture, those confirmed by my own experience, and yet fail in my following through.  I can profess with my lips the sweet truths but do little to act them out with my hands and feet.  Why?  I am bewildered at times.  I struggle with sin and such a struggle surely seperates me from a spiritual mind.  Is that it?  Maybe.  I am unsure.  I know that If i had but a moments glance at heaven I would be thrust unending into obedience.  Yet without such a glance I am not? I do not understand.

How is it that faith, my own, can depend so fully upon actual understanding?  Why must I fully understand / contemplate / visualize something to act on it the way I should.  Can I not act upon the unseen yet completely confident truths?  This is my struggle.  Albiet confusing.

I want so much to come to the place where seeing or understanding pales in comparison to the truth I know and feel and experience.  I want my overflowing obedience to stem from the truth while I am here on earth.  This is my prayer in such a confusing time.  Enablement to live with a faith that isn’t dependent upon seeing or understanding, but dependent upon truth.