“Christian” can mean so many things today, can’t it?  There’s “Christian” music, “Christian” tv, “Christian” bubble gum?!  It kind of saddens me that it’s dumbed down to a label.  Dumbed down to a sales piece or something to monopolize.  The problem with the term is it’s being re-defined all the time.  Everyone has a new definition.  What’s yours?

I’m feel like i’m caught in this place where I’m the victim of the label!  I want to lovingly express the relationship I have with God, but find myself fearful of what that will mean to others.  At least when “cliche” terms are utilized.

Do they believe Christians are only out for money?  Is that was “Christian” means to them?  Do they believe Christians are only concerned with judgement or rules?  Is that what “Christian” means to them?

When I tell people I’m a Christian, what do they think it means?  Should that affect me somehow?

I think there’s a lot of confusion, and I want to be sensitive to it, not just keep using labels that dont’ mean much.  That would just be stupid.

I know there are a lot of people that “claim” to be “Christians” and do a lot of stupid things.  I’m one of them.  The problem is, people see that and start to associate the label with hypocrisy.  And rightly so!  We are a bunch of hypocrites because we preach one thing and live another.  We’re dumb like that.

But truth is never determined by those who follow truth.  If I am a follower of “Mathematics” and go around saying 2+4=7, that makes me a bad Mathmatician, a bad follower, but doesn’t make math in itself false or less true.  It simply makes me a bad representative of such truth.

It’s the same of “Christian” faith.  At the heart, “Christian” simply means a follower of Christ Jesus.  Christians fail in such an effort all the time, but that doesn’t make Christianity false…it just makes Christians false.  I’ll be the first to admit we do a bad job at representing truth.  Enough to make you doubt whether it’s compelling enough truth or truth at all.

I’m not afraid to admit that.  Too many Christians don’t.  That’s why “Christian” gets redefined as an “elitist, judgemental, hypocritical” group, instead of it’s core meaning.

I am a Christian.  I am a follower of Christ.  Not because I want money, fame, blessing, to condemn you to hell or send you to heaven, to judge your actions or act like I know it all.

I’m a Christian because a) I know there’s a God, we all do. b) I know I’m a broken man with sin to account for c) and I know God’s son Christ died for me in the ultimate act of mercy and grace.

My Christianity (it’s my hope) extends far beyond cliche’s or modern definitions.  Beyond Christian bubble gum or bumper stickers.  It’s a relationship.  And as fake as we can be sometimes…He’s not.  I promise you that.

I really think people need to slow down.  Old farts told me to do that when I was little.  That you don’t need to run around like a chicken with your head cut off.  Be patient.  Take things slow.  Despite the fact patience doesn’t often find an adolescent, they were right.  The old farts had something.

I’m not an old fart yet, but I’m old enough to realize that life isn’t worth rushing.  We think that the faster we do things, the more time we’ll have.  But we all know it just means that we’ll have more time to do more things on our list as fast as we can.  It’s a cycle of activity that drowns the human conscious and muffles thoughts of higher things.  And it makes me sad!

I believe it to be divine provocation that my mind naturally feels burdened by such a pace.  I often have things to do or plans to make but I become desparaged and depressed with the monotany of it all.  It’s not that the things I must do aren’t worthwhile or thoughtworthy…it’s simply that they’re not worthwhile and thoughtworthy enough.  They don’t “do it for me” to put it bluntly.  They last as a distraction most of the time but my mind is pulled away as though they were a toy I was tired of playing with.  An old truck that’s been used until it’s tires fall off and the color’s faded.  It’s utter discontentment despite utter provision.

I have all I need and at heart I’m truly content, at least in a worldly sense.  I don’t desire fancy cars or a bigger house, more money or a better job.  I have a great job, great relationships, a great school and a wonderful family.  Not enough.  Sorry.  Doesn’t do it for me.  Give me a fancy car and a big new house and it’ll last a day.  Like putting a grain of sugar on a disgusting vegatable.  It doesn’t really do that much when you want to eat cake.  Perhaps it’s even a small hint of the cake you can’t eat, but it sure ain’t the cake.  You have to eat the vegetable first.  And it’s gross.

I don’t mean to construe an absolutely downtrodden or Eeyore-ish life mentality.  I simply want to construe my inner longing for bigger and better, “out-of-this-world” life.  To put it another less hard to understand way, my heart divinely desires to be home.  All the time.  And yet I must bear this world.  I do not yet get to share in the eternal glory with my creator.  To have vices dissapear and peace everlasting.  I have to bear the world, for the sake of Christ.  Is it a joy?  When my hearts in the right place, when my treasure is Christ.  But He’s not always there.  I don’t always put him there.

I ask why I can’t find utter contentment, and yet I know the answer.  I struggle to stay “happy” in a sense, and yet I’d be more concerned if I truly was.  How distant would I have to get from heavenly thought to find this world good enough.  I hope I never reach that while I’m here on earth.

Yet we all long for a hapiness that doesn’t end and isn’t burdensome.  A happiness that’s not contingent upon personal needs or circumstance.  Such a joy is found in my savior, Christ Jesus.  When my heart dwells on his grace, I find peace.  When my heart dwells on his love, I find hope.  Who can find such in this world I ask?  There is no peace like that which he grants, no consolation like that which he offers, and no hope like that which he bestows upon His own.  Only in Him am I content.

My fiance’ and I talked about true contentment the other day.  We conceeded the hard-to-swallow fact that despite how godly or perfect our relationship is, it can’t bring peace.  It can’t bring consolation.  Not the kind that truly nurtures the soul and breeds virtue.  We can offer each other so much, but it’s always limited.  How humbling a reality that was, and yet such a freeing one, knowing we both had to turn to him on our own.  A conscious decision to live for Him and not ourselves breeds a purity of life, a hope unmatched.  Worthy of my heart to dwell eternally.

I’ve often struggled with the concept of selflessness and humility.  I long for such virtues, and yet they don’t manifest themselves naturally.  I work at it, but work is tiresome.  Why doesn’t this come naturally, why Lord does it not naturally occur in a child of God?  Surely my inheritance permits such grace!  It would seem not.  Struggling with the effort involved had formerly led to discouragement about a lack of consistancy. Sure I can pull it off for a while, but self creeps in when the work becomes to long, and I’m back where I started.

Then I realized something, a simple concession that had to be made.  It will ALWAYS be a struggle.  Woah, wait a second.  Always?

Yep.

I had to wake up and realize, “hey, self doesn’t want to dissapear, and will do everything not to!”  My natural self pursues itself, not others.  My natural self pursues my own desires, not God’s.  Realizing that it would always be work, and never be as fun as just giving in to myself has helped immensely.  I dont’ walk under some false pretense that it will suddenly become effortless.  It won’t!  That’s the essence of walking in the spirit not the flesh.  God may grant his grace on me and ease the battle at times, but other times I’m going to have to fight.  An act of will.